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Tra Maestra e discepoli

Be Your Children’s Best Friend, Part 2 of 6, Jan. 7, 2006

2021-08-21
Lingua:English

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You have to be there for your children. Of course you meditate and all that, but you have to be there for your children. You have to know it's very difficult for them to grow up without the love of parents and family. That’s very important for them to feel loved, no matter what. They have to really feel it.

(I got through to him a couple of times. I mean, one time I got a call from an ambulance. He was lying in the road after being vomiting and very drunk. And that day, I brought him home. But I was really loving to him that whole time. I wasn’t angry to him at all. I said, “I want to wait until you get better.” Because I know what it's like to be poisoned with alcohol like this.) Terrible!

(And then one time, he was arrested by the police, and he was...) Oh, God. (I was ill, so I couldn't get him, I didn't know where he was. So the following day, he was in the cell overnight. And that time I talked to him, and I said, “Look, son, this can be your life if you want it to be, but I think you can do better than this because you are a bright, intelligent boy.”) You have to ask him to write down what he wants to do with his life. Don’t tell him what he wants to do, but ask him what he wants to choose, what he wants to be a kind of person that he wants to be.

(But this is all in the past, now. Now he’s turned a corner.) It's good. (And he’s very focused on his studying, he's meditating now.) Wow, cool! (And he’s happy and helps in the house,) Wow, what a guy! (positive...) From that, and turned to that, huh? (Yes!) I am proud of you. (Thank You.) It's also your work, that you have made it. Family. I tell you!

(Hi, Master. I was also initiated when I was quite young. And I also went through the peer pressure, everything at school. I’d done, like, most of the things that he was talking about.) Understand. (And then my life turned around. And then... I did have meditation, and I knew You were always by my side, I knew You were also always in here with me. Then my life turned around, and I started meditating. And then everything in my life was just so amazing! Like, when I was young, I wouldn't walk outside. And like, I would smile because the Sun was out. And I was just so overwhelmed that I had You with me. And I know that every day You’re always with me.) Sure, every day! (And I just want to let You know that I really appreciate everything You've done for me.) It’s all right, love. I love doing that. And I love you! (Thank You. I love You too, so much!) You’re such a good kid. Such a good kid, yes! (Thank You, God. Thank You so much for everything You've done.)

Oh, I understand you also. I understand you guys and the teenagers. Very lonely outside. You think they have peers; they have friends. But they are very lonely. You know, the ones who are not lonely are the aggressive ones. You know, the bully one in the school, like a gang leader. And then they make every other kid do what they want. And then they pick on other kids, like, “You're too fat! You're too skinny!” They call you names, and they make you feel like you are nothing, like you are the worst in the class, and everything like that - they will make your life like hell!

So you, the parents, have to understand that kids have problems. It’s not just throwing them in the school, and then you have nothing... You have to understand their problems as well. And sometimes they even gang together to harass one person, one kid. And then they come home, of course they're depressed. They don’t know what to do! They can't even tell their parents. Sometimes they can’t pinpoint the problem. They just feel bad. And they couldn’t even tell you, because they don’t know how to express the things in school. Also, they feel powerless, and they feel also embarrassed to even tell you. So if you are not the real buddy, they won’t tell you their problem, because of pride as well. Teenagers are more proud than all of us. That is the time they develop their confidence. And all their friends, so-called buddies and classmates just throw stones at them, and of course they feel destroyed.

So you have to be there for your children. You already made a choice to be married, to have children. So you have to be responsible. You have to be there for your children. Of course you meditate and all that, but you have to be there for your children. You have to know it's very difficult for them to grow up without the love of parents and family. That’s very important for them to feel loved, no matter what. They have to really feel it. They have to really feel it. Otherwise, in the school, they are bullied, at home they don't feel wanted, they don't feel cared for. Even if you scold them sometimes, they know you care! But if you just, like, ignore them, don't even scold: “OK, do what you want,” and after a while, don't talk to them, then it will be worse. Because they are going through a very difficult period of their life.

The teenage period is the worst, the worst! Because they grow too quickly for their own understanding. Their bodies grow too quickly, and they hardly could have control of their bodies. That's why sometimes they break things, or they bump into things a lot, because of their bodies growing too quickly. Yeah, the teenagers, they break a lot of stuff easily, easier than when you grow older, or younger. Because of their bodies! Really, I am not kidding! Their bodies grow fast, and their brains have a difficult time to command. They are not used to it! Just like you have a new car, a new instrument, it takes time. And then on top of that, the curse, the hormones are raging in them, make them feel, “Oh...” They don’t know what to do, they are so restless.

So be understanding, OK? Be helpful, be friends, and be guiding, all right? Remember you were a teenager once, and so many things you didn’t understand: Why did it happen? Why did your body feel like that? And why did you feel this way? And why did you want to do this? Why, why... You didn't understand many things. It's the same! Same with your children like that. Yeah, I am glad, you know, she is good! But how many teenagers can be so controlled and confident like that? How many? So, I am glad you're a good kid. I'm glad you're strong. Because the social pressure in the school could destroy your kid. Some of them commit suicide because of that.

And sometimes the kids are very intelligent, very intelligent inside, but because the destructive power of the bully people, makes him or her feel powerless, and then they drop the grade or don't study well, because they cannot concentrate. Feel so depressed and unhappy! So, their intelligence is also ruined. Do you understand this? So your kids, sometimes they have a lower grade or suddenly drop, you have to understand why. You have to talk to him. Bring him out to his favorite coffee shop, and sit together, two by two. Or one, together with... It depends on whom he gets on well with. Together with parents, or just together first with the father. If she gets on better with the father, first with the father, and then together, and then go home. And if he tells you to keep a secret, you keep it. It's very important that you keep the promise to the kids. If you want to buy him something, and you promised, you do it. And if you don’t do it, you'd better have a good reason! Otherwise they don’t trust you. If you leak out a secret without telling him first, he won’t trust you again.

And it’s not easy to raise a family, but I am glad that many of you do well. I can see that your family - good kids. Even though they were going through a very difficult period of their life, because of you, you are the supporter, and you brought them into the good direction, they became good, and they could sail through this troubled water with flying colors. That’s the best way to bring your child up. It’s very good! So, I congratulate you. It’s good for the whole family. Package, package deal! Yes, I am very proud of you. I am so proud. (Thank You.) I really am so proud. Come on and give me a hug! Give me a hug.

(I have pins and needles in my legs.) Pins and needles in your legs? Oh, I'm sorry, love! Of course, of course, of course. It's because you sit so long! (Thank You. I couldn’t have done it without You.) Oh, but you're a good kid. You sit quickly: You sit with your whole body on your legs, on your feet, then the pins and needles will be less. Sit with your whole body on it, understand me? Yeah, like that. Really press on it. (OK.) It's less. It feels less painful.

It's cool. That means you meditate well, because the currents all go up, up, up! That's why you feel cramp, you know, sometimes you can’t move your legs, so, be careful! If you want to stand up, make sure - “Testing, testing...!” Yeah, because it happened to me. It happened to me. Sometimes I just wake up from meditation, or even from sleep, or even just sit somewhere long, and then I want to walk, and then I fall. Because the body is gone, or half of it is gone, and then I fall, "Where is my leg?" So, be careful. After you wake up or out of meditation, test first, “Is it working?” We could forget, you know? We could forget. That's why we shouldn't sit on a high chair and meditate. You might fall. That's the secret why all the Buddhas and yogis, they sit on the floor. That's even a law from the Buddha, a rule from the rulebook: “Don't sit on a high chair or a high bed, or...” Yeah, because of that! Yes?

(One night, I was meditating, and then I had pins and needles. And because when you wake up, you don't realize.) Yes. (I got up, and then I fell straight on my back. And my dad was standing at the door. And I realized I'd fallen and then I'd gotten up again. And then my dad just walked off! And the next morning, I said, “Why didn't you pick me up when I fell over?” He said, “Oh, did you fall over?” And then he just walked off. He said, "I didn't realize!" I said, "I fell over because of the pins and needles.")

What a dad, huh? That's what a dad is for, huh? Tell you! I tell you! It's not just your dad, love, it's men! There are many things that are so obvious to us women, the men they don't notice. I do hope that by my teaching example, they will improve. Your dad is already very good! I mean, at least he even listens when you talk. Men don't have this kind of attentive ability as much as women. So sometimes they do things like that. So obvious and simple things, they don’t notice. So don’t be mad at him, but teach him, tell him, “Next time, if you see me like that, that means I need your help.”

(I made a loud bang as well,) Yeah? (and he still walked away! I don’t know why.) He is probably thinking of... (He must have thought I was drunk or something.) ...something else. No, no. He knows you don't drink. Just probably sometimes thinking of something else. (Yes.) Or he thought maybe you were exercising. Testing! Testing your kung fu power! Anything else you want to say, love? No more? (No.)

(I just wanted to say something funny about men. I was in the kitchen earlier looking for the tea. And I was like, “Where's the tea? Where's the tea?” And the tea was right in front of me. And then another brother came in, and he did exactly the same thing.) Exactly the same thing?

(Yes! And my father, when I was growing up, if he was reading the newspaper, I'd say, “Dad,” and nothing. And I'd go, “Dad!” and nothing. And even if I hit him on the head, he would still not even know that I was talking to him.) Oh, really? (Yes, he’s amazing like that.) That’s too much! That’s too much! Maybe he was into something else? (He's just like that. When he's concentrating on something, it’s like nothing else exists.) Wow! Then he would be a good meditator, no? I wish all of you were like that when you meditate. Aren't you like that? Any of you guys like that when you meditate? (I hope so.) You hope, huh? Sometimes, huh?

OK, we all have our shortcomings. Just try. If you notice it, then try to correct. Try to correct. It's not the big things that make people happy in the family. It's the small things, small details. Big things take care of themselves. Small details are very important to show that you care. Like, for example, if you sit with your children for a few hours and talking, or playing with things together, it's even more important to them than you buy them a big toy and neglecting and not talking to them.

Be firm. Don’t spoil them. So, the thing you did was good. You have to be strong when you need to be. They have to earn what they want. Not just like buy anything they want and not guiding them in educational way. That’s very bad, very bad! Kids should learn the value of high thinking and simple living. They should as well. All right. Anyone else? Good, improved, I am glad to hear. Yes!

(Master, I’d just like to say thank You for everything You have done.) What have I done? (In the last two years, or especially the last year, I’ve felt more at peace inside, and I feel a lot happier and content and serene. And I’d just like to thank You for that.) You are welcome, baby. (Thank You.) Welcome. I am happy also that you are happy. Next one.

(Master, I want to thank You for all Your blessings, because when I was young, I suffered a lot in school and in the family.) Geez! (But the last years, I got so much blessing, miracles happened every day, and now I am very happy. Thank You.) You are more confident now? (Yes, thank You.)

It could destroy you. I told you, if the childhood was very bad, it could affect you the whole life, not just the childhood. It's very difficult to get your confidence back. Especially, they are so cruel in school, some of the astrals. They pick on you, and they make you feel really that. Even sometimes you are not ugly, but according to them, you are ugly. Or they want you to feel ugly, because they are uglier than you. And then they keep repeating the thing to make you really feel ugly, even if you are not ugly! The psychological effect, it is immense! I cannot emphasize enough that how you have to really love and guide your children. I cannot emphasize enough. You must understand.

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