Overdoing things is never good. I thought you were meditating. And if you want to practice or you want to do something, you have to go somewhere else, not in the meditation hall. Sit here and practicing at the expense of other people. Not everybody likes to listen to you singing. You must know very well. Maybe once in a while, OK, when I’m there and they’re happy because I’m there, not because I’m singing. And I can’t always talk, so I sing, just make an excuse for them to look at me and see me, and be happy with me and be relaxed and not always too serious. But to do every day like this, this is… it is not good. You must know when. It’s like coffee; you put vegan milk inside and you say when. You can’t keep putting vegan milk all the time just because vegan milk is good. There must be a combination between coffee and vegan milk. You must know when. When people pour vegan milk into your coffee you say when, no? Don’t you? (Yes.) Too much is too much.
You came here for meditation. You spend a lot of money, time, and effort to come here, and I appreciate your good will. Singing for me makes me happy, it’s alright but not too much. Unless they want it. I don’t think they want to listen to Aulacese (Vietnamese) songs every day. They don’t understand anything. (Yes.) Music is good, but we only do when people request it, it’s better. Like this they appreciate it more. If a singer comes on stage and keeps singing all the time, everybody throws tomatoes at her, and she still continues to sing. What do you think? You must combine wisdom with a good heart. (Yes.) Your good heart with no wisdom, it’s no good. I thought you were meditating, so I said, OK, they meditate about one hour and a half, enough, I come down and say goodbye, say hallo and so on, say something for you.
It’s alright when we sing and dance and all that sometimes. It’s very good, very good to make people feel relaxed and happy. But some of the people are foreigners, they don’t understand. They don’t understand the Aulacese (Vietnamese) happy-going spirit. If you force them to go happy, they become miserable. You see their face like the German, very serious. They can’t even laugh. Yeah, dancing and singing’s very good for people. Why doesn’t (…) just finish making this machine already? (I told him already…) Why won’t he do it? This is so bad. Yesterday, I didn’t recite very well the first few poems, do you know why? I came home and listened to the recital again, until 5-6 AM in the morning. Because you said I recited well, but I could not listen clearly to my own voice, so I didn’t know whether it was good or not. I worried I’d bother you for three, four hours, and you did not hear anything good. A waste of effort for people who brought the flutes and other musical instruments here.
So when we finished here, I went home and watched the whole video tape, and listened to the whole audio tape, too. I watched the video tape for 2 hours, and listened to the video, audio recording. Then I watched the video recording. Yeah, two (video and audio). That’s why I didn’t finish it until 6 something in the morning. And I knew why the audio was better than the video. Number one, the audio recorder was more advanced. It was designed only for audio recording, so it was better. And the video recorder is designed more for recording images; its sound filtering is not as good as an audio recorder. Therefore, the audio tape sounded better than the video tape. The sound from the audio tape was clearer; it was OK. I meant my voice sounded OK. And the zither and flute were wonderful, no doubt. I was afraid that I ruined the reputation of the two wandering musicians. Oh no, two famous musicians. That’s why I must listen to it carefully. Just in case people said that it was good, and we just go ahead and release the CD. Then we might ruin their reputation. But it was OK, huh? Because the flute was good, the zither was good, but if the voice was so bad, like the mouse- or cat(-person) noises, then forget about it.
I felt that my voice was OK, even though I was yelling for more than a week now. It was not too bad. It was a little bit like a broken tin can. But the tin can was not too broken, just a little broken. So, the sound was OK. I listened carefully, then I knew the reason why. Why the first few poems were not good? It was because of this microphone. (Yes.) The equipment, this one was not good. Then after that, since I started to use the other microphone, even the video recording was better than the previous video recording, not to mention the audio recording. That’s not even mentioning the recording machine, the recording tapes yet. The sound from the video tape also has even better sound quality. Because when I use this microphone, the sound is louder and clearer, it’s filtered better. I could listen to my voice more clearly. But when I used the other microphone, it looked like the guys were possessed or in samadhi or something.
They didn’t turn up the volume for the microphone, they cranked up the microphones for the guy playing the flute and the guy playing the instrument really loud. So I thought I was going deaf, I couldn’t hear what I was singing. That’s why you could clearly hear the voice going off-key – up and down, all over the place. So I could not control my voice, how to raise up or lower down. I just heard only the zither and flute, fumbling around like a blind(-person), singing as if I were mute, so I discovered that these two [microphones] are very much different. Then I told them, “OK, if this microphone is so good, then every day, let me use this to talk. And why do you keep the bad one here?” After saying that, today, I met this one again. When I come here and explain things, it takes forever. People’s minds are really hard to reach. It’s uncomfortable. They didn’t get what I was talking about.
That’s why it was a waste of effort for the two musicians playing the flute yesterday for the first few songs. It’s not that the flute is bad; it’s that I sang poorly. That is fine, but with the zither and the flute, it felt more festive and livelier. Otherwise, during the first few poems, we could hear the sound of the zither and flute so loud, overpowering my voice. And if you want to hear my voice, it’s uncomfortable. Makes you tired, feels tiring. Before, when I recited the poems, without zither and flute, my voice was soft and serene. Now, with zither and flute, it was so tiring to listen to my voice. But later, I found out that it was not those two musicians’ fault. Because they played the zither and flute normally, there is no change, the same as always. Because the disciple turned up the volume of the microphone too high. They turned the volume of the microphone too high. They turned the volume of my microphone down low. They did that all the time. They wanted to mute my voice! They did that sometimes and I’d have to use a lot of effort to speak louder; it’s really exhausting. They keep doing things like that. Because sometimes, they thought they’re helping me, but truly they’re hurting me.
So tiring! Working with human beings is so tiring, so tiring. You saw that they were so noisy, so busy, buying this or that for you, you think it’s all glorious. That is all they have. And whatever task it is, you have to shout and yell every single day just to get it done. It’s truly exhausting, really exhausting. Like yesterday, luckily, we fixed the microphone; otherwise, the whole thing would’ve been scrapped completely. It would have wasted the musicians’ time – two full weeks for nothing. So they would be sad. For example, if we didn’t let the video and audio tapes be released, then the two musicians would have been very sad. “My God, She didn’t respect us at all. She asked us to climb mountains and cross rivers to come here, and She just threw it all away.” Understand? (Yes.) Then how could I explain to them? Even if I explained for ten thousand years, they would not listen. (Yes.) It is difficult to work. To please everyone is very difficult. Now you know already.
When we are working and the instruments are not proper, it’s very tiring. Just like when God uses broken “instruments,” it would be very frustrating. Hes (God) would be very tired sitting up there in Heaven. Hes is tired and didn’t want to come down here, so Hes sent me down here instead. God stays up there and sleeps. Hes enjoys eating, why would Hes come down here? It would be exhausting for Hirm to come down here and work with this kind of microphone. And we didn’t talk yet about the people with “stones in their heads!” It is like that every day, so I am tired when working, otherwise it is not that I don’t like working. I don’t complain about working too much. I only complain about the very bad “instruments” that I have, the people whose minds are like bad, broken instruments. It takes a long time to correct them. I have to repair and use at the same time. I fix it today, and tomorrow it’s broken again. Just like an old car. And if we bought the car… Do you have translation at all? You have? (Yes.) OK? Yeah. I’m sorry.
It’s like a broken instrument, like buying an old car. Buying an old car is very cheap, and looks like we got a good deal. Just a few thousand [dollars] and we got a Mercedes. But we didn’t know that it was manufactured many dozen years ago, many people have driven it back and forth for a long time. And if we spent less money to buy an old car, we would have to repair every day, and we would lose too much effort and money, too. And then sometimes, it stops dead right in the street, on a cold and snowy day. Whether it is windy or rainy, or if the driver is hungry, it is still kaput right there, for example. It also takes a long time to call a tow truck. Sometimes, we’re in an area with no signal for the cell phone. Sometimes, if the weather is so windy and rainy, the telephone lines are down, we could not get in touch with anyone outside. Sometimes, it is dangerous for your own life.
So pitiful! It is very difficult for God to use our mind. Broken, malfunctioning over and over again. It’s been broken for a long time already. Broken for thousands of years. Now, God forced a Lady worker to come down and fix the problem. This worker is also called… This worker is called an artistic worker. Ah, She doesn’t like to be a repair person. Also, doesn’t like the machine oil. Too troublesome to repair. Just leave it as is. When I need it, and take it out to use, it’s all broken. So it is very difficult! You understand, don’t you? (Yes.) Yeah, this instrument is already very good, to be used like that. I mean it has been repaired for a long time already. I repaired it for ten years already. And it is still like that.
There was a disciple who followed me for ten years. And every time when I came out to talk to others, such as a public discourse, or spiritual teaching, had to be a while, before he turned up the volume for my microphone. He did that. Every day like that. There was not a single day where… Every time I came out to talk. I’d say, “Please, I beg you.” First, I begged him, later I coaxed him. And then so frustrated, I scolded him. But he was still the same. Coaxing or scolding is the same to him. He waited for me to coax him or scold him, before he turned up the volume. He wouldn’t do it automatically. Every time I sat here, it was like I was whispering. Exactly like the lovers who whisper to each other during their first date. Probably he was a romantic guy out there in the world, and got used to it. So when he came in to be a monk, he could not let go of that habit. So difficult! Sometimes, after halfway talking, I realized that no one heard anything. I told them a very funny joke, but they sat there with their sorrowful faces! That’s how I knew the microphone wasn’t working.
And I knew that he was sitting there doing nothing. But I told him already, it was very easy. Whenever I knew it was OK already, then he would turn the control knob to a certain position – mark that spot clearly in advance. Whenever “She” sits there, just turn the volume control to the mark, that’s all. So I told him already, not that I didn’t tell him. I taught him already, not that I didn’t teach him. Whatever I didn’t teach yet, then I would not scold. After being taught many times, then I will scold, understand? Still, he didn’t do it, then I had to scold. I scold him not because I hate him. It’s because when there are so many obstacles, it wastes a lot of time, I lose the inspiration. Sometimes, I wanted to tell good stories, but we had to continue adjusting the microphone: “Hallo, hallo. Testing, testing.” So then what can I talk about anymore? (Yes.)
Photo Caption: “Made With Love Tastes Like Love New Year, Make It All for LOVE” (All what shows here are no pain)
